Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kenny's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
10:28 pm	I wonder if I've earned the jaded weariness that rolls off my tongue like champagne. Life gets a little scarier when you start demanding answers from yourself to questions you can't just rationalize away. You might never have to learn that. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 4th, 2009
11:01 pm	Fact of the matter is I haven't felt this way about someone in a very long time, so forgive me if I'm a little rusty.  Well, rusty doesn't begin to describe it.  Rusty would imply that I've been around this course before.  See, wherever people were when they learned what to do in these situations, I didn't get the invitation.  I don't know what comes next after you realize you have feelings for someone.  Sure, I know there's honesty and kissing involved somewhere in there, but there many more pieces of the puzzle that need to be in place and I can't seem to fit them. So I like you.  And I kind of need a point in the right direction. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 12th, 2008
11:06 pm	Atlantopolis The trip from my apartment to the airport felt more like something out of The Fugitive than the start of a pleasant vacation.  My brother Gareth called me, ten minutes late.  He needed help digging the car out of a fuckload of snow.  By the time I arrived, he had managed to escape and urged me to leap into the car mid-stop. Fucking weather.  The struggle to leave the neighbourhood would last another 20 minutes.  My knuckles, white on the passenger door.  Every obstacle, a police roadblock.  Every pedestrian, a cop flashing my photo.  I wasn't afraid of missing my plane.  The paranoia was much more urgent than that.   I wanted to go. It got worse in Atlanta, a hub airport littered with security and, for some reason that day, a platoon of soldiers around every corner.  I missed my plane and wound up spending the night in a motel in Atlanta, where I'm relatively certain I heard gunshots around 3 a.m. Another day, another frantic run for a flight, but I'm home now...and kind of happy. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 8th, 2008
10:35 am	The rain has been pretty relentless around here - a fact made welcome only because it eases the often brutal humidity.  I never mind walking around without an umbrella and I don't even own one.  I let it come down. When it rains, it pours.  That's what they say, isn't it? But with little fanfare and no reluctance, everything kept on going.  (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 3rd, 2008
12:45 am	"Most people deceive themselves with a pair of faiths: they believe in eternal memory (of people, things, deeds, nations) and in redressibility (of deeds, mistakes, sins, wrongs). Both are false faiths. In reality the opposite is true: everything will be forgotten and nothing will be redressed." - Milan Kundera. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 2nd, 2008
1:38 am	There are indeed days when I tell myself it wasn't that important, that it was long ago and it happens to everyone and that I over-idealize. And then there are nights when I know that's bullshit. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 13th, 2008
1:59 am	Now comes the serious talk.  I hate the serious stuff...I used to be so good at it, didn't I?  When we used to talk, I was so good at knowing what was wrong with you and what you wanted.  Now the only thing I know is that I disappointed you.  It's okay, I know that now.  I know that you used to admire me.  You took what I said to heart.  And somewhere along the way, somehow, I lost sight of that.  And I don't think I owe you an apology, but I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  And I want you to know...I don't care if it's twenty years from now and you call me at four in the morning and ask for a glass of water...I'll get it for you.  I owe you nothing.  I just couldn't bare to see you go thirsty. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 19th, 2008
11:08 pm	I used to drive everywhere, now I walk.  I don't see the point of owning a car when you live in the heart of a city.  But Tucson is not a city in which you can easily get anywhere walking, or using the sketchy Sun Tran bus system. I live in a basement apartment on St. Dominique, just one block North of Sherbrooke and West of St. Laurent.  The lease says it's a 2 1/2, but it's a 1 1/2.  I started to get restless after dinner.  I pacified my boredom as best I could, saturated it with cable and even made Jello.  When nothing would do (and House was over), I decided to take a walk.  It had been a long time since I walked anywhere for no reason. I walked up St. Laurent.  It was windy and the streets were very quiet.  I would pass by various bars and cafes and see the people inside.  I passed by a 99 cent pizza shop, bought a slice (for $2.85) and watched other people walk by and the trees sway from the window. On Prince Arthur, I watched waiters and busboys pull in the chalkboards that listed today's specials and the chairs that they'd set out that morning for a makeshift terrace.  I walked by a young girl speaking to a guy on what I assumed was his front porch at the exact moment he decided to kiss her.  It clearly caught her off guard, so I figure it was the first time he had done this.  More and more often, it seems this is the way relationships are initiated for people my age.  No one really asks anyone on a date.  It's hanging out or it's meeting at a party and then, sometimes very soon and sometimes months down the line, one kisses the other - and that's when the other has to decide what the hell their going to do, in that spur of the moment.  There's a lot riding on a kiss like that - whether or not you're sleeping alone, whether or not you're entering into something serious, whether you're about to be horribly embarrassed.   She eventually responded positively, and I turned my head back to the street.  Five more seconds, I would have felt a bit voyeuristic.   After a few more blocks, I went home.  I realized I was going to be here, in a downtown where I can walk in anonymity, in an apartment smaller than advertised, alone for a while.   This is city life.  I'd like to say it's for me, but I can't. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 9th, 2008
1:41 am	You'll think about it, and it will stay with you for years, as it already has even if you weren't certain of the answer.  But now the wet concrete has settled, and there's little to be done.  You think about morality, about loved ones' mortality, about what's on TV the next few hours. And you wonder if your life will change a little, if at all.  What is life if not self-improvement or, at the very least, change?  Right. At some point in the recent past, I stopped growing up.  There was no unwillingness on my part, but instead an inability; like a golf handicap.   It's not a punk rock thing, an ode to youth and sticking it to the man.  Growing up, it's just not a foreseeable option in my future. (Comment on this)
Monday, March 24th, 2008
4:48 pm	The best you can do, in whatever situation, is know when to end it; to hold it up in front of you and say, "This ends here."  And if you're lucky, if you're really lucky, it'll be the right moment.  (Comment on this)
Monday, March 17th, 2008
9:20 pm	Confessions Beyond Saturday Night Live, the Gene Wilder movies and Superman III, I haven't seen much of Richard Pryor. (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 21st, 2008
5:00 pm	Ship to Shore I had a dream last night that stuck with me due to how surreal it was.  Now, most dreams wind up surreal - every now and then I have a very lucid and logical one, but it's rare - however this one was a mixture of both.  The perfect mix of bizzare images and disturbingly legitimate emotions. We were on vacation, on a beach.  The beach was small, about the size of an ocean liner - I know this because a fair-sized tanker on stilts covered the beach.  The bottom side of the tanker nearest the ocean was hollowed out, as to allow access to the water.  Boats ran back and forth, collecting squid for various seafood companies. It was there that I fell in love with a shrimp-boater whose name I don't know.  She was thin, with brown hair and a pretty face.  She loved film, but I vaguely remember us not having similar taste in music.  There was a strong connection, though. Strong enough that I went swimming with her in the ocean - something I have been afraid of for many years.  At the end of the first night, I kissed her.  Though she didn't resist, she didn't exactly respond either.  It seemed as though she just let it be. My friend, with me on the vacation, asked permission to pursue her. "No!" I nearly screamed.  Never in real life had I felt so possessive, so prepared to fight for something or someone.   In that instant, I felt in sleep and in wake passionate, alive.  And even my dreaming self realized that this was new.  I learned why she didn't return the kiss soon after.  She knew I'd be leaving, and that I would hurt her.  It would have been an error. In the end, I left as predicted, not smiling, not frowning.  I recalled a dream I had a few nights earlier in which, conspicuously, I kept on saying, "love conquers all" to everything said to me.  That dream was comical, this was...I don't know, telling? But it was a dream. We're gonna need a bigger boat.   (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 17th, 2008
3:59 am	Women. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
1:04 pm	I think about ninety per cent of my time spent on this planet I'm vulnerable.  And the other ten per cent, I actually know it. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
12:03 am	From a creepy Craig's List casual encounter: " I want to fuck a skanky Republican chick - m4w Date: 2007-12-15, 9:31PM PST I want to fuck a peroxide-blonde richbitch daddy's girl. I want to fuck a hotter, younger, stupider (if possible) version of Ann Coulter. You preferably grew up on Mercer Island and had your 16th birthday shown on "My Super Sweet 16." It's okay if you're only a republican because your parents are and you don't even know how many houses Congress has. At the very least I want to fuck a girl who wears a cross and thinks the Iraq War is a great idea. I'm am a skinny-jean wearing hipster who goes to Evergreen, supports Dennis Kucinich and only listens to mix tapes of obscure 70's pop. I am sick of cool, interesting girls who are more likely to make out with other girls than me. I want the most bland, insipid cockgobbler on this side of the Cascades. I've always wanted to blow my load in your lip-glossed, bubble-gum chewing mouth, but class, social groups and a sense of morality have prevented me. Your pictures get my smarmy pretension." (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
12:56 pm	The Worst Movies of 2007 8. 28 Weeks Later - A fascinating mess, 28 Weeks Later failed to comprehend what make it's predecessor work.  I have to give it some credit, it wasn't just a retread of the original.  Instead, it threw everything good about 28 Days Later to the wind and tried to throw its audience by being completely unpredictable.  But a movie can only change gears some many times until they wear thin.   7. Shrek the Third - Not just unfunny, uncouth and irritating, but really talky for a children's movie.   6. Blades of Glory - Will Ferrell's routine hasn't felt this sterile since Bewitched.  Pairing him up with someone whose career is very clearly almost over (Heder) doesn't help.  It seems Hollywood thinks that putting Will Ferrell in a sports movie is automatically funny (it's not). 5. License to Wed - I put two Robin Williams movies on this list last year and was asked by several people, "Why bother?"  I make a point to put a Robin Williams movie on every year, to serve as a stark reminder that he must be stopped. 4. The Number 23 - The most openly moronic thriller ever made by Joel Schumacher, and that's sayinga lot.  Several plot points are actually moved forward by a fucking dog.   3. Smokin' Aces - What a clusterfuck of a movie.  The premise promised wall to wall bullets and crazy action, but it failed to deliver on nearly every level.  The last act gets bloody, but it's hardly entertaining.  And then, after seeing a man impaled on his own chain saw, Joe Carnahan tries to make us actually care.  He wants us to feel a loss that only he seems to have experienced. 2. Wild Hogs - Everything about this movie is pedestrian, and I'm sure that comes as no surprise to anybody.  I saw it and the next morning I didn't fully remember everything that happened.  The only thing I do remember is being a little disturbed by all the homophobic stuff.  From John C. McGinley's gay cop who wants to screw all of them to the Hogs constant (and I do mean constant) heckling of Macy's inability to talk to women.  2007: the year gay panic came back.  And not just in the movies.   1. Halloween - Pure shit.  Pure fucking shit. I got vibes of Phantom Menace watching this.  Patton Oswalt has a joke about meeting George Lucas before he made the last three Star Wars films.  And how his explanation of how we're going see Darth Vader as a little boy.  And how disillusioned Oswalt  is. This film is the same.  It neuters the Meyers character by injecting a thousand cliches into his childhood: an alcoholic stepfather, a whore mother, a whore sister. Michael Meyers was unadulterated evil.  He's meant to be the horrifying little secret behind every perfect suburb.  It was terrifying because it refused explanation.  Sometimes, people are just awful.  Or maybe he was just an incarnation of evil, without reason.  There's nothing scary about a kid that grew up in a white trash environment and killed a lot of people.  I'd rather watch an episode of City Confidential.  The violence and nudity were beyond excessive.  The last act is a fast-forward version of the 1978 film, which I find insulting.  Rob Zombie has made one film I've kind of liked (The Devil's Rejects), but with this and House of 1,000 corpses, he's 1 for 3.  The more I think about it, Rejects was entertaining because much of it was mimicry.  The same kind of mimicry performed by Brett Rattner.  Yes, I just compared Rob Zombie to Brett Rattner.  And I hope, everytime I hear their names attatched to something, that they both fail miserably. (Comment on this)
12:56 pm	Top Ten Movies of 2007 Honourable Mentions 15. Breach - By no means is Breach a perfect film.  It is flawed, largely because of a foolish decision to focus on the less interesting of the two leads.  Nevertheless, it's incredibly compelling.  What brings it to this list is Chris Cooper's performance - alternately haunting, funny and scary - as Robert Hanssen.  If this were released a little later in the year, no doubt would we be see his name on the best actor nominations.  Sadly, this performance seems forgotten. 14. 1408 - It's been a good year for Stephen King adaptations, probably the best in the author's history.  Not one, but two of his works have been elevated to a level of maturity (and intensity) King rarely reaches on his own.  On the surface, the story doesn't lend itself to great filmmaking.  It could have easily been hampered by excessive backstory and exposition.  Rather, director Mikael Halfstrom chose to allow brief glimpses into Cusack's past.  Like the best King work, the horror does not come from the spectre.  There are no ghosts in 1408, only what you take in with you.  Cusack, with his razor-sharp sarcasm and skeptical sneer, gives one of his best performances. 13. The Lookout - Entertaining pulp elevated by fascinating, well-drawn characters.  Every performer is solid, but Jeff Daniels is (once again) a stand out.   12. Charlie Wilson's War - A political drama shouldn't be this funny.  Tom Hanks is becoming a better actor with every movie he does, and he hasn't been this likable in many years.  But Phillip Seymour Hoffman steals this film, as he does with many others.  Aaron Sorkin's script is a little impersonal (though thankfully, it is mostly without his trademark back-and-forth dialogue, which can grate on the nerves), but Mike Nichols keeps it fast and funny (with a suprising runtime of only about 90 minutes).  It's been a big year for topical political movies (though most that have been released have flopped or have been barely released), and Charlie Wilson's War is the most poignant, and the most charasmatic.    11. The Bourne Ultimatum - Many films boast the tag that they are non-stop action thrill rides; rarely do they pay off.  Here, there's not a moment of filler or fat to distract you. Car chases don't start off slowly, they start off with an car bomb and don't stop until people are dead. Matt Damon moves from set piece to set piece at breakneck pace.  What action films need to be. Top Ten 10. Inland Empire - Inland Empire is a logical step forward for David Lynch. There seems to be a progression that began with Lost Highway, continued through Mullholland Drive and ended here.  With each film, Lynch delves deeper and deeper into turning Hollywood inside out and non-linear storytelling.  Lynch is an artist that, it seems, will never realize his complete vision.  Inland Empire serves as another piece of a puzzle, with exquisite moments of strange beauty scattered throughout.   9. Grindhouse - I think I'm grading this movie based entirely on the experience of seeing it in a theatre - as this is a film that needs to be viewed in it's entirety, fake trailers and all.  I would never hail either film on their own as anything brilliant, and the Weinsteins should be destroyed by Gozer the Gozarian for splitting them up upon their DVD releases.  As a filmgoing experience, however, Grindhouse was priceless. 8. Diggers - The State-alum Ken Marino has scripted a nice little coming-of-age tale.  Diggers meanders around with its characters, moving at the same directionless pace - but that's exactly where it wants to be.  And, after you realize that, you want to be there too.  Easily the most pleasant 90 minutes I've spent in a while. 7. Superbad - My generation now has its very own American Graffitti.  Gone are the classic rock and roll songs (Superbad mostly plays mo-town - and good mo-town), gone is George Lucas' masturbatory car fantasy, but oddly retained is the sentimentality.  But Superbad is far more realistic than Graffitti, and therefore rings eerily true. 6. The Mist - Grant me this indulgence in my top ten, as the Mist is not a great movie.  It's flawed, esepcially in the first act.  But The Mist is a relentlessly mean horror movie, the kind of horror movie ever fan has been begging to see.  The Mist has balls.  Huge balls.  How-did-this-get-past-the-studio sized balls.  Moreover, it's an angry, angry movie.  And angry about all the right things.  The monsters, like 1408, are inconsequential. The real horror comes from the people holed up in the supermarket.  Darabont, who got his start in slimy monster movies like this one, makes one hell of a return. 5. Knocked Up - The great thing about Knocked up is that even if you're not always on the character's side, there's a special warmth that allows you to get past it.  True, these people - like real people - do horrible things to each other at times, but it's never without understanding or reason.  Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann are especially fantastic. 4. Hot Fuzz - This movie is like a great big hug for anyone who has ever liked a movie.  It perfectly balances insanely awesome action with clever, character-based comedy.  What both Judd Apatow and Edgar Wright, easily the two most important names in film comedy right now, have realized is that you don't have to sacrifice believablility to get a big laugh.  Hot Fuzz is a geek-fest, but it's also accessible to the uninformed.   3. Eastern Promises - David Cronenberg doesn't just invite us into the creepy and often brutal world of the Russian Mafia, instead he chips it away slowly, piece by piece.  One of the most engaging films of the year.  In other hands, this script could have been laughable (particularly the third act twist), but Cronenberg heightens the stakes with his own brand of violence and continues his exploration of the identity crisis (his favourite subject).   2. Zodiac - A film as obsessive about detail as its characters.  I've never seen a movie that captured what it's like to be completely embroiled in something so accurately.  There's a lot of information to be digested in Zodiac, and under less capable direction, it could have easily been a mess.  Instead, Fincher plays it out like a tribute to the work of Alan J. Pakula, balancing rich characterization with nearly a plethora of story.  Somehow, it all works out. 1. No Country for Old Men - It didn't take me more than a minute to select this in the number one spot.  This movie just works.  As a modern western.  As a comment on the world we live in.  As a cat-and-mouse thriller.  The Coen Bros. come at you like Anton Chigurh, the film's death-like villian, and don't let up for two hours.  They aren't afraid of alienating every last one of you, with an ending as bleak as the Texas desert that cinematographer Roger Deakins lovingly captures.  Even after the credits roll, there is no sign of relief. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
11:19 pm	I think I am most turned off by people who have lived a substantial amount of time on this earth without gaining any substance.  It's not just a lost opportunity, it's goddamn perplexing how it happens.  How does Madonna manage to do nothing but graze the current pop and political culture lexicons without knowing anything?  I ask the same of Gwen Stefani. Yes, I'm picking on celebrities because it is easy.  Want to know what's really distressing?  Meeting people like that in real life. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 28th, 2007
10:01 pm	No excuses.  No regrets.  Ever.  We rode 'til the wheels fell off and caught fire.  'Til the sun felt the burn. Time to go home, again. Lucky man. (Comment on this)
11:32 am	Tonight I fly.  Midnight, to be exact.  I've never done that before and there's a bit of romanticism to it.  Like a sailor shipping off port in a foggy night.  No girl to say goodbye to, of course.  But the again, I'm married to neither air nor sea. (Comment on this)